Or rather, the dream was all in your head and never in his.  I knew this at an intellectual level, but it’s far better to feel it, know the truth in your guts so that you can deal with it at the emotional level.  The pain is real but I have spent too much time trying to rationalise it, disguise it with false smiles to say how well I am coping and alchohol, but there it is, waiting to be recognised and honoured.  One must own one’s pain for there to be real relief and progress.  Ignoring it makes it bigger, like the elephant in the room.

I reflected on the “marriage” – a very short marriage.  The Psycho was interested in me because my parents seemed to have money salted away in bank accounts and stocks and shares.  He is working a long con with an elderly widow who has come to feel dependent on him.  He hopes to inherit her house which she has left him in her will.  But psychopaths are greedy predators, there is never enough, there are always more suckers out there waiting to be divested of their material goods.

He let me know some months before he “left” me – he was never really with me – he told me that he didn’t think my father had as much money as he let on.  He said this a few times but I did not know the full significance of what he was doing or planning to do.   You are caught in a confusing web – on the one hand he tells you how much he loves you and how much you can trust him, then he says things that show his true concerns but it washes over you – how can you possibly doubt Mr Wonderful?

I realised in my guts just recently how planned this marriage was, that there was always an exit plan, that there was an objective on Mr Wonderful’s part to extract as much money as he could.  All the signs were there but my confusion stopped me piecing all the bits together and arriving at the only conclusion possible – Mr Wonderful is a con man.  He is a dangerous con man.  He is after money but he will do it in such a way that your life is destroyed, you are destroyed.  I feel thankful that he met his new target when he was getting bored and frustrated with me – his plans were not progressing at all well.  He tried to get me into a psychiatric unit so that he could get the house and the money but my parents managed to get me out of there.  Strangely enough, I learnt from his first wife that he had done the same thing to her, for the very same reason, some 25 years previously!!!  Proof indeed that psychos don’t change, can’t change, they just move on to different targets.

The “marriage” was a sham, it was an illusion put together by Mr Wonderful.  He wanted me to believe that he was making a commitment to me – a commitment that in reality had a very limited life span and would be soon dropped when his objectives had been reached.

Only his objectives were not reached, my parents would not play ball and drop dead so that he could get half my inheritance.  My parents did not play ball and move to France so that he could ask them for money to buy his “share” of the French property when he dumped me.  And last of all he didn’t get his £45,000 when he pretended to make an offer for the divorce settlement – things fell apart and he is not a happy bunny.   And he cannot get his decree absolute until the pensions and financial matters can be dealt with properly.

That must be irritating for him.  His new target is so besotted with him and wants to marry him.  She doesn’t see that he marries ALL his victims and they all end up the same way – on tranquilisers!!!  He needs to marry so that he is in control, and he gets half her assets.  Pre-nups are not all that successful, but she would be well advised to try to have one in place before she ties the knot.   She is rooting for him, supporting him through this terrible divorce, protecting him against this terrible woman – me- who has destroyed his life and happiness yet again, like all his previous wives.  I wish she could read what his first wife has to say about him but she would never believe it.  It is tragic to watch another lamb being led to the slaughter but that is the only way she can understand what he is.  It is only a matter of time.

Mr Wonderful puts on an exquisite act – he is vulnerable and to be pitied, he is unlucky in love and this new target is the only woman he has ever loved and she is the only one who can save him.  This is powerful stuff, what woman can resist being a saviour to an unfortunate and “lovely” man such as he?  The devil doesn’t tell you that he is going to tear you to pieces and has no pity for you – he is beguiling and gentle with you, he lets you invite him in, he lets you think that you are controlling this relationship.  This works much better.

And so I was suckered in, he used the same tactics on me.  I thought his previous wives were vixens, that they didn’t appreciate such a “good” man.  I know how unfair life can be so I was convinced by his play-acting that he was the victim of circumstance.

So now his new target is living an “exquisite” existence, a life of unbridled happiness for she has met her soul mate, how lucky she is.  But for how long?  The leopard does not change his spots.  He has plans and objectives – will he marry her if there is a chance he gets the old woman’s house?  He surely won’t want his new wife to take half his assets when they divorce – and divorce they will.  Or is his new target just there to hedge his bets – if he doesn’t get the house of the old lady because her family put up a successful fight in court then he has the properties and assets of his new wife to help him overcome the shock.  There is ALWAYS a backup plan.

Poor thing – she can’t see beyond her frilly knickers that the only attraction she has for Mr Wonderful is her money.  But he is very good at what he does.  He successfully creates this persona, the pitiable good man, the constant husband, the willing helper, everyone’s friend.  Except that there comes a time when he no longer wishes to keep up this act because you are no longer of any use to him.  You have gone past your sell-by date and he is looking for fresh meat.

That could be this year, or next year, or even a bit longer, as long as it takes, but he will do it.  That’s how predictable he is.