All the time you are in a pathological relationship with a psychopath, and let’s face it – the relationship can only be pathological, you are unaware of the full and awful truth of what has been happening to you. You are caught up in a strange and unreal world that you have come to accept as normal. You have ignored all the redflags because you believe that people are essentially good and can change. You have adapted to a pathological way of life that is manipulated and controlled by the psychopath. This is seriously scary, because in all probability you were and are a normal person striving to live a good and happy life, trying to help others, nurturing and understanding your nearest and dearest, or hoping to.
When the ball0on bursts, and it always does, you’ll come to see that the match you thought was made in heaven is just like the air inflating that balloon, hard to grasp and harder to make sense of. The person you thought he was never, ever existed – it’s an illusion he built up to satisfy your fantasies of what a good relationship should be.
You will spend the next few months or years trying to find a rational explanation for the situation (there is none), coping with the anger, the grief, the numbing shell shock of it all. Your life lies around you in tatters, you feel as if you have been through a shredder – your emotions, your psychological health and your financial situation have all been reduced to meaningless and hopeless rubble.
At the same time that you are trying to steer your way through some very disturbing and over-the-top stuff, Mr Wonderful comes in with all guns blazing. He has told everyone how sick you are, how unstable you are, how bad, sad and mad you are. This extends to his divorce solicitor who treats you as though you are a baby killer with no moral compass, when in fact his charming client is the one who should be sectioned.
The charming, hard-done-by psychopath gets everyone onto his pity wagon and the motorcade of aggressive and nonsensical tactics gets off to a flying start. You have to admire the showmanship, the control and orchestration of so many people to be willingly taken in by this charmer, not even stopping for a reality check along the way. The reality check should question the many lies and stories put about by Mr Wonderful, but he has his adoring public in the palm of his hand, they don’t doubt his motives for a breathtaking instant – he is the wronged one isn’t he. They don’t question the fact that you are the one living in poverty with no job and self-esteem that’s lying on the floor while he is swanning around in nice cars and living a fancy life – you did it on purpose according to them, but where is the payoff for you? Logic is off on its holidays and isn’t coming back for a long while so don’t get upset about it.
When you are divorcing a psycho you are in for a very nasty and bumpy ride. Insults will be added to your already massive injuries, you are in a maelstrom of wicked, evil putdowns, mind-unsettling manoeuvres, and downright lies and prevarication. The legal system does not help – in fact the only person it seems to help is the psycho – you can’t touch him even though you and his other victims know he is lying. You are already at a disadvantage because the legal system presumes that everyone is half-lying and half telling the truth. The reality is that the psycho always lies and you are always telling the truth, so you will be treated as though some of what you say is lies and the psycho will be assumed to be partly telling the truth – how unfair is that!
The psycho, because he is unable to feel emotion, puts on a cool and calm appearance, he is confident, he is so sure of himself. You, on the other hand, are a quivering mess of anger, fear and confusion, you are prone to emotional outbursts and times when you feel your self esteem cannot sink any lower. That’s what people see and they think that the psycho is the sane one! You are behaving totally normally, you are reacting normally to an unreal and abnormal situation, fighting for your survival – but you have been cast as the mad one.
Mr Wonderful has been divorced before and his first one ended in disaster for him, it took two years but there was a result for the first wife. The second divorce has something strange about it, almost as if Mr Wonderful had to treat the second ex-wife a little bit better, my guess is that she was bought off so that there were no repercussions for Mr Wonderful. This divorce is following the first one – with nastiness and stupefying delays on the part of Mr Wonderful, so hopefully it will end the same way as the first divorce, with Mr Wonderful having to eat dirt.
It’s taking its time but perhaps that’s for a good reason, something will be revealed that is going to be Mr Wonderful’s swan song. His present target, a wealthy divorcée who thinks he is a “lovely man” is helping and supporting him while all this is going on. Does she not ever pause to think about this “lovely man” and question what he is really about? She believes him when he says that he doesn’t care about money, that he finds in her the woman he has been looking for all his life – of course she is flattered. He hooked her while she was recovering from a marriage breakup – same scenario as me – and she is unaware that her emotions are being played by a consummate con artist. She is hypnotised by him, she believes all his sob stories and pity plays – how all his ex-wives treated him so badly and all he ever wanted was to love and be loved, and to have a quiet life . . . yeah right! I too was taken in at the start, it took two years for Mr Wonderful to start letting the mask slip now and then, but still I was hooked and mesmerised, and by that time you are so confused you believe that you are the crazy one. It’s frustrating to watch this happening again to someone else but what can you do? Nothing . . .
I’ve been living with this divorce for so long I have forgotten what life was like before and what life should be like. It saps your strength and will to live. The only thing I am living for is to see Mr Wonderful’s nose pushed into the ground. I look forward for it all to end but I know that there will be emptiness at the end, what to do next?
