Hi gentle readers and victims of psychopaths

I am still recovering from the traumas inflicted on me in the last few years, I cannot see an end to the misery, my life has become stuck on all fronts and I cannot continue.

I do not visit this site as ofen as I did, therefore I have disabled comments on my blog.

However, I remember how useful it was to me at the beginning of my “awakening” to the phenomenon known as psychopathy to read about the subject and some of the experiences of the victims, therefore my blog site will stay up in order to help those others who are awakening.

We have been deluded on so many fronts, our integrity assaulted without mercy by those human-looking but entirely alien creatures called psychopaths, not just on a personal level, but a global one.  The globalist bankers are just psychopaths too but with the difference that they control and dominate our society – scum rises to the top.

No matter what is happening in your personal life, look at the big picture and see how the actions of a powerful few psychos are destroying our lives and our planet with their war weapons, depleted uranium, aerial chem spraying, GMO plants and animals, false war on terrorists (meaning anyone who dislikes what the government is doing), false economic crises and the list goes on.

I think that God is either sleeping or comatose, there seems to be no way to combat the misery and fear in our world, psychos know how to create fear and misery all too well.

While the internet is still going, do all that you can to educate yourself about the great con game – start by listening to free audios by cuttingthroughthe matrix, listen to your intuition, stop watching tv and reading newspapers – they are owned by the powerful elite who never give their power away.   Take your power back and think for yourselves.  You know instinctively what is right and what is wrong, the media tries to tell you that you don’t or that there is no right or wrong.

Psychopathy is an evil that is destroying us all.

 

Another year has just whizzed by.  In some ways the time just flies and in another sense it is as if time is frozen.  I’m still in recovery mode after all that has happened.   You cannot easily overcome the damage done to you by an intimate encounter with a psychopath.  I feel as though my soul has been ripped out and I am an empty shell, a mere shadow of what I once was.  Life is flat and has no meaning, I am numb.   This describes in some degree the symptom of Post traumatic stress disorder.  You don’t need a huge violent event to develop PTSD, the drip-drip effect of slow but relentless erosion of your self-esteem is every bit an assault on your person as a violent act can be, perhaps more dangerous because it is insidious, you are unaware of what is happening at the time.

I’m trying to find some meaning in life but it is difficult when your trust in people is non-existent.  How can I trust anyone again.  I believe that you cannot have a meaningful life without good interactions with other people, but I have only experienced pain with others, particularly the psycho husbands.  I still find it hard to imagine what it must be like to be a psycho, to wake up every morning knowing how you manipulate people with your lies. I just can’t understand a mind-set like that, and the thought that there are so many people like that in the world depresses me further – how does such evil exist.  So I have made up my mind to have very little to do with others, it’s not worth the risk or the heartache any longer.

I haven’t posted anything for a while because I have shut myself away, trying to give myself time to sort my feelings out.   I think it would take somethng extraordinarily powerful to get me out of this state of mind.   Perhaps I need more time.

In the meantime I get on with my hobbies, I have my dogs who are my best companions and just enjoy the little things in life.

I hope though that my little blog has helped some people.  I found that I needed to know that others understood what had happened to me and how I felt.  It’s the telling of the story, sometimes over and over again and your experiences being acknowledged that is really helpful.

The psychos need for revenge borders on obsession, my ex-P is still harassing his first wife after nearly 30 years. My ex-P is still angry at not getting what he wanted out of our divorce so he’s taking me to court for allegedly turning people against him!! What a laugh, some of his so-called ‘friends’ contacted me first and told me they never were good friends with him and they didn’t believe everything he said either!! Still that’s the excuse he’s using to claim what doesn’t belong to him. There’s no limit to the lengths they go to in order to exact revenge.  Mr Wonderful has never respected the law – just look at all his lies during the divorce-  but he will use it when it suits him.

It’s been a good exercise for me to go through the history of our relationship yet again.  There were aspects that I totally missed while going through it after the initial shock had worn off and again during the divorce.  I feel more dispassionate about the whole thing and it seems like I am looking at him from a place where he can’t touch me anymore.   It’s very healing and I feel that although the impending court case is obviously upsetting for me from one point of view, from another it feels totally necessary as a way of finally getting the ex-P out of my life.  The divorce didn’t give me closure but my examination of him now has done just that.

I really feel sorry for him, not only is he a bad loser, he is a total mess and not very intelligent.   I sometimes wonder why I was unable to see him then as I see him now, it’s like I was in a trance.

Why do I now think that he is not very intelligent?  Mr Wonderful had the opportunity to divorce me when he put me in hospital but he didn’t do it -why?  At that time a divorce would have given him at least something because we had two properties for a while.  What prevented him from seeing this?  Although his first wife and I agree that Mr Wonderful is deceitful and manipulative he appears to lack a realistic view of situations.  Could this indicate an Achilles heel, a little chink in the amour of a seemingly invulnerable psychopath?  I suggest that although Ps appear to be capable of sizing up people and opportunities very quickly their over-riding concern is always what they can get out of any situation, namely everything!  I wonder if his greed and obsessive desire to always get one up on the target act as blinkers to the reality of any situation.  A psycho isn’t going to think how a situation could benefit both parties, he only looks at what he can get for himself.

Mr Wonderful missed his opportunity and then when we did get divorced there was only one property left and that wasn’t a huge asset.  He missed out on that because he had other assets that offset the value of the property.  I guess he was kicking himself bigtime!!  But that is what obsessive greed and egotism do – they blinded him.

Perhaps Psychos are not completely devoid of emotions, they suffer predominantly from fear of not getting what they want or feel they deserve.  And they certainly never feel content or grateful for what they have.

like a psychopath scorned.

Psychos hate to be proved wrong, or to lose the battle.  They are always on the lookout for the payback.  My ex-psycho number 3 is still harassing his first wife after 30 years and he has started on me, to get money of course!

Once you are locked into a battle with a psycho he will want to fight to the death, and anything goes.  It’s nothing personal of course but you have to be prepared for it.  The psychopath cannot stand being sidelined, beaten in any way, he has to win.

I have chosen to fight because I’m pig-headed and I’m damned if I’m going to roll over for him.  As it is going to court I’ll have some witnesses and an official record to refer to if things continue.

Recovery from a psychopath perhaps is almost impossible under these conditions.  I knew that I would be plagued again even after the divorce – how or when was impossible to say.

When we go back to court I hope that everything comes out into the open this time, psycho no 3 might seriously regret his action because he is going to look like a fool.  He’s already played into my hands with his declaration, he doesn’t know what’s going to hit him – his fantasies will be his undoing.

Hoist by his own petard!!

I was going through some of my saved articles on psychopathy and came upon this one – 8 Steps to Recovery – this came from the very useful lovefraud site.  I would like to reproduce it here and add my commentaries.

Lovefraud received the following e-mail from a reader; we’ll call her Lisa. In one short paragraph, Lisa conveyed the betrayal, rage, pain and hopelessness that we’ve all felt:

If a stranger broke into my house and stole all my valuables and then burned the rest. If I was left homeless and broke. I would be angry. I would be damaged. But I would recover.

The person who did this slept in my bed and held me tight and told me he loved me every day. He told me that we were moving overseas and that everything should go. Stop paying the mortgage. Sell your furniture for cheap. Burn the rest. I did it. He disappeared with my jewelry and cash. I feel that I cannot recover. I am devastated. I am bitter. I am obsessed with my hatred and can’t smile or laugh. I need a psychiatrist. I dream of stabbing him. I am a loving and forgiving person that can’t find grace. I try to forgive and recognize my own fault. I fail. I need help with this.

Had an unknown criminal ransacked Lisa’s home, she would be justifiably outraged, and perhaps afraid for her safety. But the man who plotted and schemed to crush her was a man that she trusted, a lover who talked about their exciting future together in a faraway land.

It was cruelty beyond belief. It was the shattering of trust.

A few months back I wrote about a book called Legal Abuse Syndrome. The author, Karin Huffer, writes, “the most profound loss is loss of trust.”

That is what makes these experiences so painful. We trusted someone with our hopes, our dreams, our love. That person probably spoke eloquently about trust to us, in words full of shining promise. And it was all a lie.

Now we don’t know whom we can trust. And we’re pretty sure that we cannot trust ourselves.

So how do we recover?

Huffer provides an outline for recovery in her book. Although the steps are geared to helping people recover from the outrages of the legal system, which has a tendency to make our bad situations even worse, I think the steps are useful for anyone recovering from the betrayal of a sociopath.

  1. Debriefing. That means telling someone what happened, and that person listening without judgment. I am still trying to tell people what has happened, I feel that I continue to need the validation of others who have been through the same things – the Freedom Programme helped, but having others listen and accept what I have been through is still important to me.
  2. Grieving. Grief is usually associated with the death of a loved one. But as Huffer points out, it is legitimate to grieve the loss of possessions, or our lifestyle, or our place in the community. Sometimes well-meaning friends or relatives say, “Oh, it’s only money.” This isn’t true. I have experienced loss of a child and I know the stages of grief – it goes from shock and disbelief, through anger, guilt and finally an acceptance but it never can be forgotten – it continues to occupy a place in my psyche and still has the power to hurt.  The scars are invisible to others, I am damaged irretrievably by my experiences, life can never be the same again.  It is not a question of time either – I lost my son more than 20 years ago and the hurt is still fresh.
  3. Obsession. Lisa is obsessed with her hatred of the guy who violated her. Her feelings are certainly justified. The problem with obsession, however, is that it wears you out, and interferes with your ability to regain control in your life. Huffer suggests coping with obsession by compartmentalizing it—only allowing yourself to dwell in it for specific periods of time. “Schedule your way out of it,” she says.  The legal system doesn’t recognise the moral injustice that we have suffered, there has been no real justice and it is difficult to accept that justice may never be done, hence the obsession.  Resentment and bitterness continue to rule the waking hours.  Finding other things to occupy oneself is good, but I find that the feelings return so this isn’t the cure.  Compartmentalising is a bit like the mental disassociation that trauma and abuse victims do, it can protect you for a while but it doesn’t deal directly with the pain and is still affecting your subconscious.
  4. Blaming. This means putting blame where it belongs: on the perpetrator. We often feel guilty for allowing the situation to occur in our lives. But we have nothing to be guilty about. We were normal, caring, loving individuals who were deceived. The guilt, anger and rage needs to directed towards the person who deceived us.  I feel a sense of worthlessness because someone decided that I was only worth tricking and deceiving – in his eyes I was just a dupe, a mark.  This wasn’t the first time either so I have a lot of self-esteem issues.  I have turned from being a nice caring person to one who is vindictive, angry and in perpetual despair.  There is no light at the end of the tunnel – it’s another train coming straight towards me.
  5. De-shaming. Before our encounter with the predator, we had certain beliefs, such as “there’s good in everyone,” or “if someone asks me to marry him, he must really love me.” Unfortunately, the dreadful experience has taught us that some beliefs are false and need to be changed. When we do this, we also change our attitude, from “I was a fool” to “I’ve been wronged.”  I’m still working on this one – I was gullible and naïve but that doesn’t excuse what he did, he had a choice (I didn’t have the same choice because I was being deceived) and he chose to abuse me.  Women have to stop beating themselves up because a ‘man’ in their life was a psychopath and a bully – this is piling on the punishment which we do not deserve.  We were caring, we were tolerant, we were hopeful.  What is more evil than someone who deliberately targets us for our weaknesses – that is where the blame truly lies.
  6. Re-framing. The first five steps of the process must be accomplished, Huffer writes, before a person can move on to reframing. At this stage, you can look at your experience, define it differently, and then articulate the wisdom you’ve gained.  Perhaps it is too early for me to do this but I have tried to put things into perspective, tried to appreciate that things could have been far worse (how much worse I don’t know!!!), the majority of people in this world are being taken for a ride by their ‘governments’ never mind the psychopaths that they are intimately involved with. What can you learn from the fact that you are stupid and gullible and no match for someone who is evil and never suffers the way you do?
  7. Empowerment. At this point, you feel focused energy. You take ownership of your problems, determine how you are going to cope with them, and go into action.  I haven’t got to this point apparently – I have vague ideas but my lack of energy and concentration is a barrier.  Being stuck at the angry and bitter stage is not helping.
  8. Recovery. With recovery, you are able to move forward in your life. Sometimes recovery involves forgiveness, but Huffer says it is not necessary. It if far too early for Lisa, who wrote the e-mail quoted above, to attempt forgiveness.  Forgiving myself would seem more important than anything else – forgiving myself for yet again trusting someone who is vicious and evil.  The psychopath is completely unaffected by either my opprobrium or forgiveness towards him and continues on his merry way lying and deceiving his way through life.

The long journey

There is no expected timetable for moving through the recovery process. We all have different personal histories and face different circumstances. We’ve all had different levels of violation.

Anyone who has been targeted for destruction by a sociopath must understand that it was a profound assault, and it will take time to recover. It has been said that what we have been through is tantamount to being raped.  I would need to know how rape victims work through their problems, it can’t be easy.

You may slide back and forth among the stages. So be gentle on yourself, because the journey may be long. If you keep going, in the end you will find peace, built upon new depths of wisdom and understanding.

At the end of all this I think what is really needed are some positive experiences to help me rebuild my life.  Nothing positive is happening in my life right now, in fact whatever I do seems to re-enforce the negative world-view that I now have.  World events do nothing to inspire confidence either, it’s as if we really are going through the end times and my personal misfortunes are just a reflection of that.

A psychopath doesn’t just affect his victim but her family too.  His poison affects everyone in his sphere of influence.

The man your mother thinks is a ‘lovely man’ will prove to be quite the opposite.  Not just because he is only interested in her money but that this will cause a breakup between you and your mother.

There are two prior examples of Mr Wonderful’s behaviour in this respect – Mrs F and myself.  In both cases Mr Wonderful so poisoned the minds of Mrs F and myself against our only children that we ended up by disinheriting our children.

Ms F’s son had no idea what was going on until I told him.  Likewise you have no idea what is going on behind your backs.

Mr Wonderful needs to be in control at all times, your mother naturally gives her children more attention than him and that annoys him – he needs to be the centre of attention as I know from bitter experience.  So he will gradually break you up, none of you will know what is happening until too late.

Mr Wonderful will slowly and subtly poison your mother’s mind against you.  You will have no suspicion of this and you won’t know until it is too late to do anything about it.  But that is also your quandary.  Even if you accept that that is what he is doing, if you try to warn your mother you will be playing into his hands.  Your mother is by now so besotted with him that if you even whisper that there may be an agenda at play here she will turn on you and make things much worse both for you and herself.  JB will have been prompting your mother to interpret any actions or words on your part, true or untrue, to be against him and therefore against her happiness.  He will try to cast you as ungrateful, jealous and vindictive children.  Eventually she will write you out of her will because she wants to ‘protect’ him against you.

I have my own experience to back this up – he would pretend that it was none of his business and he didn’t want to come between me and my daughter but he had to tell me the nasty things she was saying about me.  I confronted her later about this and she denied the whole thing.

I also know what he was up to when he was persuading Mrs F to disinherit her only son.  He told her that her son was only interested in her money and that he was conning her.  It wasn’t her son that was doing that but Mr Wonderful himself!!!!  He will project his own evil doings onto others so that no-one suspects him.

Therefore this is already a done deal as far as you are concerned, you are damned if you do nothing and damned if you ry to save the situation.  I don’t envy your situation.  But at least you will understand what is happening.

It is estimated that 6% of the population is psychopathic – I believe that that number could well rise due firstly to more accurate diagnosis (although the checklist by Dr Robert Hare remains the best and most respected diagnostic tool available in the world today), and secondly to the increased awareness of this condition by the public at large.  Just like when you buy a new car and you suddenly notice all similar cars on the road, once you have known one psychopath and realise what you have been dealing with, you recognise others more easily.

This psychopathic 6% is permanently at war with 94% of humanity.  The rest of humanity is largely unaware of the monster in our midst.  The psychopath elevates himself above the rest of the population, believing himself to be superior in thought and action.  He considers the rest of us to be stupid and docile sheep, dupes and marks.  We non-psychopaths are too easily led by our emotions and feelings that the psychopath carefully observes and, at times, mimics but cannot share as he is devoid of human emotions.  The psychopath is an alien amongst us.  My P said, on leaving me, that most of humanity did not deserve to live.

However, like any parasite, Ps depend on their host for life, they use and despise their victims but have great need of them to survive.  Perhaps that’s where their hatred of their victims stems from – how they need us but at the same time look upon us with scorn.  The need is possibly psychological too, how can you think of yourself as the centre of the universe when you are all alone and have no-one to dupe or dominate!  Yes, it is a conundrum for the psychopath, you hate us but you can’t live without us.

Just imagine a world full of no-one else but psychopaths – what would that world look like?  Would they start attacking each other or live in co-operation and harmony recognising fellow aliens, fellow travellers as it were?  I think that there is enough evidence to show that they would turn on each other.  If you are a creature that is devoid of emotion, compassion, and feelings for others then you are condemned to living alone, you cannot share or compromise.  If you are a creature that lives parasitically off others then you cannot create but must always find a source of supply for your wants – a weaker psychopath than yourself.  The parasite looks for a weak but viable host whose immune system is not strong enough to fight them off.  On those two counts alone it is highly improbable that psychopaths can live together in harmony.  It has also been evidenced in situations where two or more psychopaths have colluded in defrauding or murdering a victim that they have no sense of loyalty towards each other, that they would sell out the other in order to save their own skins – so no sense of honour even amongst thieves!  Non-psychopathic thieves are superior to psychopaths because they have their own, albeit slightly warped, code of honour – psychopaths’ only code is to survive at all costs, whatever it takes and let others deal with the consequences (there are no consequences in the world view of a psychopath as he gaily steps over the body of one victim to find another).

This isn’t a level playing field, war has not been declared openly and we have no rules of engagement with the enemy.  We are dealing with an unseen and well-camouflaged predator, this psychopathic monster has assumed human form and mimics human behaviour, even taking part in human activities such as marriage and sometimes appearing to go to work, in order not to arouse suspicion that it is an alien.  Like in the movie ‘Body Snatchers’, they look human but there is something missing, what is it?  Hmmmm, the soul is missing.  It is like the predating lion assuming the costume of the impala to get amongst the herd of impala at the water hole without causing alarm and is thus able to easily pick off their victims.  Notice that predators in the natural world are cowards too, they go after the youngest, oldest or weakest, those who are unable to fight off their attackers.

This is a war of attrition by the psychopaths in our midst, it is conducted without mercy, honour, or compassion.  Psychopaths are a symbol of the destructive forces of the universe, they are not creators.  They take the creations of others and rent them asunder. They plunder, loot and pillage without thought for the future – instant gratification is their prime driver.  Psychopaths spare no thought for the physical, psychological, emotional and financial damage that they inflict on others.  To them we are expendable and there are always more victims to be found – ‘one born every minute’.  A psychopath is like the ‘Terminator’, a relentless machine that seeks and destroys, there is no ‘off’ or ‘pause’ button – once one victim is deemed no longer useful off he goes in search of another, very often while the present victim is still held enthralled.

A mutual ‘friend’ once told me that the P in question needed to be pitied, that he was dysfunctional.  This friend has not yet grasped he fact that the psychopath functions perfectly as a predator and parasite, that is his nature, it is hard-wired into his brain.  The rest of us are rendered dysfunctional by reason of the psychopath’s crazy-making behaviour and in being rendered dysfunctional we become perfect, unknowing and totally vulnerable victims.  Pity is wasted on psychopaths – they use pity ploys to ensnare their victims (see Martha Stout, ‘The Sociopath Next Door’) and they may well have a sense of being victimised by others, but showing them pity is like inviting the vampire to step over your threshold – there is no hope for you once you have done that.

As in the microcosm, so in the macrocosm – my personal experience of the destructive behaviour of psychopaths has led me to see the psychopathocrats in charge of running our world.  Only psychopaths can kill millions of people, men, women and children for the sake of the bottom line, for profits and power.  Only psychopathocrats see the merit in destroying civilisation so that they can build their filthy and lurid one-world system where everyone is enslaved to the parasitic over-class.  A psychopathocratic paradise where the victims pay for their own chains in ever increasing taxes and losses provoked by international banking swindles. For an excellent treatise on the psychopathic rule of our world see the book “Political Ponerology” – this was written at great personal risk to the collaborators on the book who had the misfortune to study this phenomenon at close quarters in the Soviet bloc. All the nonsensical new ‘laws’ that seem to multiply like viruses visited on the general population are a facet of the psychopath’s crazy-making, gas-light effect designed to destroy the victims’ natural psychological defences against such an onslaught and render them hopeless and helpless.

Psychopaths are like scum, they always rise to the top – in doing so they become more visible and more arrogant – they should be scraped off the surface of the earth!

Some say that being involved with a psychopath is the closest that we come to seeing and experiencing pure evil.  Evil, to my understanding, consists of doing harm to innocent people knowingly.  Psychopaths know that what they are doing is morally and in a many cases criminally wrong too.

We are, and ever have been, at war with psychopaths.  This was not a war of our choosing, war is abhorrent to us non-psychopaths, we only want to live harmoniously and in co-operation with others to give ourselves and our children a safe and good life.  We know the aims of the enemy, but how to recognise all their stratagems and tactics takes a while to study.

First of all read all you can about psychopaths to understand their psychology and MO.  It takes time to grasp how completely evil their nature is, I’m still at the stage of pinching myself to see if this isn’t some weird nightmare I’m having!!  I have a booklist on the Resources page, and a list of websites I have found personally useful. I am always on the lookout for more helpful resources and am indebted to the many people out there on the internet who are doing their bit and their utmost to expose the enemy in our midst.

It may help too to read about the psychopathocrats who are running our lives in general, they run the media that gives us a custom-made ‘reality’ for us to be enslaved in (like Plato’s cave and the movie ‘Matrix’), they rob us blind and then make us pay again in taxes to bail them out (financial meltdowns), they poison our food (chemical additives in food and water, genetically-modified food) and our minds (TV news and advertising, Tavistock unit on psychological warfare) and demoralise us with rising crime rates, attacks on the family, break-up of national sovereignty, pornography and the lack of respect for human life (abortions, using corpses as ‘art’ exhibits, tasering of the public by our so-called police, humiliating procedures for passengers at airports).  And the list goes on.

If you have been becoming increasingly confused about the way things are going in the world, where ‘war’ means ‘peace’ , where ‘slavery’ equals ‘freedom’ then join the club of those of us who are waking up.  The disorientation that some of us feel is exactly the same as the confusion that our personal psychopathic torturers have been engendering in us as a ploy to weaken our defences.

I will be resurrecting my site on The Global Domination Project in order to capture the focus of what is truly happening to us on a global scale.  In the meantime seek out Alan WATT (NOT Alan Watts, the New Ager) on his various websites cuttingthroughthematrix and subscribe to his excellent podcasts that educate you on the true meanings of all the words and symbols that surround us.  He cuts through the indoctrination that we of the under-class have been subjected to all these centuries.  Alan Watt uses facts, documents, literature that the psychopathocrats have themselves published to expose their aims in establishing the New World Order.  The elite know that most of us would not bother to read the mountains of literature they produce for the non-governmental organisations who are the real government (not the presidents and prime ministers that we ‘vote’ for), but Alan Watt devotes his time to bringing these aims and how the elite put these aims into practice to our attention.

I’ve read somewhere that it takes at least two years to recover from being in a relationship with a psycho.  I’m coming up to the two years now and I must say that I am starting to get glimpses of what feeling happy is all about.  I get short reminders of a feeling of joy, of completeness just being me and I expect these feelings will get more persistent and stay for longer periods.  It feels like the butterfly emerging from a long time held as a chrysalis – the beauty of freedom, the wings to fly, the potential that each of has to experience joy.

It takes a period of darkness and struggle to get to this point.  Hoping against hope, sometimes despairing and feeling that life is not worth living any more.  I have been through the fire of self-hatred, self-blame and hatred of life itself.  The fire has almost burnt away all the illusions and deceit that I was living through all those years.  Like a phoenix arising from the ashes I am born again with bright new feathers and strong wings.

It all takes time, as long as you need and whatever you need to do in the process.  Be kind to yourself, treat yourself like your best friend, love yourself and forgive yourself.  Everything else will fall into place along the way, you don’t have to force anything.

You are not to blame in being deceived by a psychopath.  Psychos recognise all your good qualities and then set about manipulating those against you.  A good person would not do that.  How easy is it to spot a psycho?  Difficult even for the experts to guard against being manipulated and the form that it takes will differ from psycho to psycho.  It’s part of being human, our frailties are also our strengths believe it or not.  The psycho is jealous of your humanity, your connection to your feelings and fellow human beings – the psycho lives in an emotional desert all on his own.

The only sure way is to get in touch with yourself – if something doesn’t feel right then take it as a warning.  Try logic too – if the words do not always fit the actions – that’s a sure sign that something is not adding up.  We can’t be sure of not falling into another trap again but we have survived before and we know a bit more now than we did.  Trust yourself to be able to leave a relationship if things don’t feel right.

Love does not hurt, love does not deceive, love does not steal.  Love gives you wings to be yourself, if you can’t be yourself then ask yourself WHY.

Watch carefully what your charming,  ‘lovely man’  is doing to me ‘cos he’ll be doing that and worse when your time comes.  I was ‘Plan B’ for a while, he isn’t too sure that he’s going to get the old lady’s house – her family might be successful in contesting her will.  So I was a backup plan just in case, he coldly calculated in marrying me and then divorcing me, that he would either get my inheritance, or persuade my parents to give up a large chunk of money to buy him out of the French property.  But his plans were going south – that’s where you come in.

He was complaining for months before he dumped me that he was fed up with working for the old lady and that he didn’t think that my parents had much money – so he shopped around.  He found a rich divorcée, someone who was desperate to have another relationship after the failure of her previous marriage.  You are the new Plan B.  Haven’t you ever thought why he only took two weeks between meeting you and dumping me on my birthday?  He works really hard at presenting a charming personality, but it is all pretence.   Why do you think he wants to marry you?  How did his previous marriages work out?  Once you two are married, he’ll get half your assets.  I expect he has already ‘helped’ you spend your money in many ways, property, investments, new cars etc.  Mr Wonderful is very good at ‘advising’ people how to spend their money – as long as he can get some benefit from it of course.

You may think that everything is fine and hunkydory now, but after a year or two things will change, you’ll feel confused, depressed, and you won’t know why.  Mr Wonderful is working on you already – isolating you, making you suspicious of people you know and unable to make new friends.  He will be driving a wedge between you and your children – making you suspicious of them, all the while he is being extra nice to them and they don’t have a clue what is going on.  You will be living in an isolated part of the country so that no-one is close enough to help you.  Mr Wonderful will be looking for an exit plan and driving you mad will be part of it.  He did that to his first wife, and he did it to me.  If he can get you sectioned he can get to have control of your assets and property.  If that doesn’t work then he’ll get a divorce anyway – and what do you think he will get from that?   Half of your assets, property, investments, pension . . .

You will be left financially a lot worse off and it won’t just affect you.  What about your children and your grandchildren.  When Mr Wonderful walks into your life nothing will be the same again and it will affect all of your family not just you.  I have already had plenty of experience of what he has done to me and my family.

I have a statement from his first wife.  You thought I was over the top, if only you could read what his first wife said about him you would realise that it is all true and worse than you could imagine.  There is so much you do not know about your ‘lovely man’.

You could try a prenup of course, but they aren’t all that binding and I’m sure Mr Wonderful will find a way round it, especially if you end up in a mental hospital.  You will never be able to trust Mr Wonderful and I can’t think of anything worse than being in a marriage with someone you cannot trust.  He will be womanising every chance he gets, he will be hiding things from you and lying to you.  He has always been like that – you don’t think that he is going to change now do you?  He is fast approaching his 60th birthday – he kept talking about making his ‘million’ before he retires – with your money and property I think he’s going to achieve that.

Mr Wonderful is a control freak, a psychopath with no thoughts or pity for his victims.  He mostly targets women – because a lot of women are easy to manipulate when it comes to their emotions – “we are all looking for love” – didn’t he use that line on you?  He doesn’t care that he ruins people’s lives, he just wants the money and the good life.  He lives off women, he doesn’t have a proper job or a proper profession, he doesn’t create anything himself but he knows how to persuade women to trust him, and give up their lives for him.   He sucks them dry and moves on to the next target.  While he is with you he will be shopping around for the next victim – he always has a backup plan.

Or rather, the dream was all in your head and never in his.  I knew this at an intellectual level, but it’s far better to feel it, know the truth in your guts so that you can deal with it at the emotional level.  The pain is real but I have spent too much time trying to rationalise it, disguise it with false smiles to say how well I am coping and alchohol, but there it is, waiting to be recognised and honoured.  One must own one’s pain for there to be real relief and progress.  Ignoring it makes it bigger, like the elephant in the room.

I reflected on the “marriage” – a very short marriage.  The Psycho was interested in me because my parents seemed to have money salted away in bank accounts and stocks and shares.  He is working a long con with an elderly widow who has come to feel dependent on him.  He hopes to inherit her house which she has left him in her will.  But psychopaths are greedy predators, there is never enough, there are always more suckers out there waiting to be divested of their material goods.

He let me know some months before he “left” me – he was never really with me – he told me that he didn’t think my father had as much money as he let on.  He said this a few times but I did not know the full significance of what he was doing or planning to do.   You are caught in a confusing web – on the one hand he tells you how much he loves you and how much you can trust him, then he says things that show his true concerns but it washes over you – how can you possibly doubt Mr Wonderful?

I realised in my guts just recently how planned this marriage was, that there was always an exit plan, that there was an objective on Mr Wonderful’s part to extract as much money as he could.  All the signs were there but my confusion stopped me piecing all the bits together and arriving at the only conclusion possible – Mr Wonderful is a con man.  He is a dangerous con man.  He is after money but he will do it in such a way that your life is destroyed, you are destroyed.  I feel thankful that he met his new target when he was getting bored and frustrated with me – his plans were not progressing at all well.  He tried to get me into a psychiatric unit so that he could get the house and the money but my parents managed to get me out of there.  Strangely enough, I learnt from his first wife that he had done the same thing to her, for the very same reason, some 25 years previously!!!  Proof indeed that psychos don’t change, can’t change, they just move on to different targets.

The “marriage” was a sham, it was an illusion put together by Mr Wonderful.  He wanted me to believe that he was making a commitment to me – a commitment that in reality had a very limited life span and would be soon dropped when his objectives had been reached.

Only his objectives were not reached, my parents would not play ball and drop dead so that he could get half my inheritance.  My parents did not play ball and move to France so that he could ask them for money to buy his “share” of the French property when he dumped me.  And last of all he didn’t get his £45,000 when he pretended to make an offer for the divorce settlement – things fell apart and he is not a happy bunny.   And he cannot get his decree absolute until the pensions and financial matters can be dealt with properly.

That must be irritating for him.  His new target is so besotted with him and wants to marry him.  She doesn’t see that he marries ALL his victims and they all end up the same way – on tranquilisers!!!  He needs to marry so that he is in control, and he gets half her assets.  Pre-nups are not all that successful, but she would be well advised to try to have one in place before she ties the knot.   She is rooting for him, supporting him through this terrible divorce, protecting him against this terrible woman – me- who has destroyed his life and happiness yet again, like all his previous wives.  I wish she could read what his first wife has to say about him but she would never believe it.  It is tragic to watch another lamb being led to the slaughter but that is the only way she can understand what he is.  It is only a matter of time.

Mr Wonderful puts on an exquisite act – he is vulnerable and to be pitied, he is unlucky in love and this new target is the only woman he has ever loved and she is the only one who can save him.  This is powerful stuff, what woman can resist being a saviour to an unfortunate and “lovely” man such as he?  The devil doesn’t tell you that he is going to tear you to pieces and has no pity for you – he is beguiling and gentle with you, he lets you invite him in, he lets you think that you are controlling this relationship.  This works much better.

And so I was suckered in, he used the same tactics on me.  I thought his previous wives were vixens, that they didn’t appreciate such a “good” man.  I know how unfair life can be so I was convinced by his play-acting that he was the victim of circumstance.

So now his new target is living an “exquisite” existence, a life of unbridled happiness for she has met her soul mate, how lucky she is.  But for how long?  The leopard does not change his spots.  He has plans and objectives – will he marry her if there is a chance he gets the old woman’s house?  He surely won’t want his new wife to take half his assets when they divorce – and divorce they will.  Or is his new target just there to hedge his bets – if he doesn’t get the house of the old lady because her family put up a successful fight in court then he has the properties and assets of his new wife to help him overcome the shock.  There is ALWAYS a backup plan.

Poor thing – she can’t see beyond her frilly knickers that the only attraction she has for Mr Wonderful is her money.  But he is very good at what he does.  He successfully creates this persona, the pitiable good man, the constant husband, the willing helper, everyone’s friend.  Except that there comes a time when he no longer wishes to keep up this act because you are no longer of any use to him.  You have gone past your sell-by date and he is looking for fresh meat.

That could be this year, or next year, or even a bit longer, as long as it takes, but he will do it.  That’s how predictable he is.

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